Oh, good for you friend!

           T
hanks. It was all totally worth it.

                           Don't applaud me for this.
I was very sad inside.

 

Oh, okay.  So, were you kinda boring in general, or was a character in Trainspotting, Requiem for a Dream, and/or Scarface based on you?


yes

I see. You had a lot of pain inside. Were you inspired by rock music? 

Oh wow! On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the strongest likelihood of being mocked on late night television...

Summarize your level of household name recognition level and political platform:



Were you inspired by any of the following:


Benjamin Harrison

Boris Johnson

Ted Nugent

Beetlejuice

Any of these three?

Either of these two?

Okay, just checking. Did any of them kill you?

Did you own a Peloton?


Did it kill you?




Were you inspired by Lance Armstrong?

Did he kill you?

Good god, what kind of scandal ruins a run for public office in this day and age? I am going to need some context.

Which of the cardinal deadly sins was featured most prominently?

fornication
gluttony
avarice
acedia
humble bragging
wrath
envy
opposing the NRA


Did it involve windsurfing?
Mistaken identity?
A baffling geography question you didn't know how to answer?
A plot to frame another country for a crime under pretense to start fight an unpopular war?
Sex cave?
No, just run-of-the-mill sex stuff and the nausea that the public had to endure when forced to picture me partaking in.
None of these, but there has been at least one full length book and a written for television movie based on my exploits.

Would you consider yourself a rather self-aware person, or do you want to go back?