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At your funeral, people will most likely remember you for:

Oh, good for you friend!       



                Thanks. It was all totally worth it.                       





                                 Don't applaud me for this.

                                       I was very sad inside.

Were you kind of boring in general, or was it really that bad?

I see. You had a lot of pain inside. Were you inspired by rock music? 


Oh, awesome I love these!

Which thread?

Did you own a Peloton?Did it kill you?Were you inspired by Lance Armstrong?Did he kill you?

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Which of the cardinal deadly sins was featured most prominently?






humble bragging

opposing the NRA


Would you consider yourself a rather self-aware person, or do you want to go back?

Err... let's go back.

Proceed in my quietly dignified way please.

Right, but, like, has anyone ever used the phrase "quiet dignity" and your name in the same sentence?

JFC, fine let's pick a different topic of discussion (though secretly, I still think that it will be mentioned in the eulogy).

I will not dignify this with further discussion. Please, let us move along.

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