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Choosing a Hill to Die On

an existential  quest

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As this arguably one of the most important decisions of your life. this will largely be a multiple choice process.
Are you ready to get started?

 

Relax, we are all gonna die. This is just a fun little activity to do while we wait, okay?

To paraphrase the great Robert Frost, and the misquotes from yearbooks for decades after and still to come, here you are at your two roads.

You can't split yourself in two, and there are no indicators of which one is less traveled.

Which one do you want to take?

go back

I find choices rather debilitating.

Quiet Dignity

Would you consider yourself a rather
self-aware person, or do you want to change your answer?

Err... let's go back.

I am quite disapproving of your insinuation. Please give me a comment card to send to your manager before I fall down on my hill.

Right, but, like, has anyone ever used the phrase "quiet dignity" and your name in the same sentence?

dignitary

JFC, fine let's pick a different topic of discussion (though secretly, I still think that it will be mentioned in the eulogy).

I will not dignify this with further discussion.
Please, let us move along.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the Collyer Brothers  who were basically crushed by their belongings, how many cat skeletons did your family find after you died?

only one

two to four

five to the house was condemned

I had no cats only money

Art Gallery

Were you pretty boring in general or was it really that much?

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both!

Oh wow! On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the strongest likelihood of being mocked on late night television...Summarize your level of household name recognition level and political platform: 

I was elected county coroner, and the dead tell no tales.

I might have appeared the Borat sequel.

Were you pretty boring in general or was it really that bad?

Good god, what kind of scandal ruins a run for public office in this day and age? I am going to need some context.

Did it involve windsurfing?

Mistaken identity?

A baffling geography question you didn't know how to answer?

A plot to frame another country for a crime under pretense to start fight an unpopular war?

No, just run-of-the-mill sex stuff and the nausea that the public had to endure when forced to picture me partaking in.

None of these, but there has been at least one full length book and a written for television movie based on my exploits.

undecided
Okay, do you not understand what we are doing here?

No, not really.

Yes, but my indecisiveness is a core part of my identity, and truthfully it probably had a hand in my death.

Yeah, I was just testing out the wild card. I probably died in an accident doing something stupid. 

 

Charles Atlas

Oh, wow, good for you friend!       

 


      

Thanks! It was all totally worth it.       

               

           

 

Don't applaud me for this.  I was very sad inside.

Did you own a Peloton?
Did it kill you?
Were you inspired by Lance Armstrong?
Did he kill you?

Were you pretty boring in general or was it really that good?

yes

Were you pretty boring in general or was it really that bad?

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Oh, bummer. What'd you get pinned for?

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Murder 1

Stealing hubcaps

Wire fraud

Solicitation

Fixing the 1919 World Series

Were you pretty boring in general or was it really that good?

yes

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Were you pretty boring in general, or did you really do something worthy of praise?

Like you have a hospital wing or school named after you or something?

You can call me Dr. Sidney Fucking Farber, okay?

Don't ask me any more questions.
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